Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Bring the hell weeks on

Today is officially the first day of my [hopefully] last semester as an undergraduate. And tonight is a lazy night where there are no reports to be written, scientific papers to be read, lectures to be studied, data to be processed, and events to be planned. Tonight is also an unfortunate night because I am sick when I haven't even been stressed yet. Now I am trying to get to sleep because I don't want to be late tomorrow and I'm saving all my free cuts for next year, preferably on February and March. The funny thing is I can't sleep because I'm not tired. And now I suddenly missed those stressful weeks when a minute is too precious to waste - when my mind is concentrated on nothing but school and it doesn't go pondering on other things that won't do me good.

Tonight my mind is pondering on those things which won't do me good. I can't wait for reports, scientific papers, books, my thesis, and event plans to pile on my bed while I sort them out and find which one needs to be attended immediately. Not getting enough sleep because of work is so much better than not getting enough sleep because of some shallow feelings. I can't wait for work to take my mind off unwanted feelings. I know it's temporary, but that's what works. I used to think that one should sort and/or fix his baggage so he could forget. But then I can't forget because I don't find it forgettable nor forgivable. I'll fix my own stuff in time. Until then, I'll work hard and serve selflessly.

Because that's what it takes to keep the story unfolding.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Hiccups

My acads are piling along with my thesis and I don't know how to stop them or to reduce the pile. What I know is I got hiccups after some beer. This is my first time to try to stay awake, write, and resist the oh-so inviting bed. What I know is I found myself in Sarah's comfort after finding myself scrolling down the endless news in Twitter - the kind of news I'd rather not mention. The only hint I can give you is I hate it, I don't want to talk about it, and it reduces much of my humanity ignoring it. Because I don't like the idea, therefore, I should not be involved with it or anything involved in it. But current events tick me, as if I must give a damn, show my cares, and I don't know, express my opinion? But no, I'd rather not. It will certainly result in the clash of ideas and I don't want it. Maybe I can still get through this without caring much about stuff. But omg I just want to return to my old self who values my principles so much

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Three More Months

First wave of exams is over so I'm using this exam-free week to catch up with my thesis and, hopefully, maybe meet the deadlines I set for myself.

Let me tell you how I prepared myself for thesis week right after exam week. I watched Ice Age 4 and The Amazing Spiderman. I stress-ate at Burger King and I got bangs. I've been itching to have my hair cut short again, but hey, this is the longest hair I have had since I graduated from high school. For reasons I unconsciously make, I have never grown my hair long since 2009. And there's this creative shot we have to make for graduation photos and my friends want my hair long when the shot is taken.

I bought this oh-so precise ruler for my thesis. Measuring my specimens is difficult, but I'm enjoying using my new ruler. I should have bought calipers  for convenience, but it might damage my hard-earned specimens.

The reason I'm writing despite my busy schedule is that I miss you, Blogspot. I've been meaning to write fiction to satisfy these feelings stirring inside me but with everything going around, I can't seem to find time. And I'm sorta lacking inspiration. Maybe I'll write one some time this week.

I just want this term to end. For several reasons...

Saturday, June 30, 2012

I feel like I'm the personification of stress right now.

The first month is over. And there are still four months left before the semester ends. I'm so tired that I feel like the semester is almost over. I'm not even half-way there! Every day is a busy day, seriously. I don't even have time to bring my clothes to laundry service. I go home late and I go to school early. My body feels so used. And I have this problem in coping with stress, it started just this month. I'm trying so hard to break the habit. Maybe I should switch to ice cream instead.

Thesis. My adviser is asking too much from my thesis. I don't even know where to start. And I have three unidentified specimens. I hope they're new species :>

Org stuff. 'Nuff said.

Cell biology, animal physiology, plant systematics. They're killing me. I can't wait to graduate and leave for med school. I want a fresh start. A reset. No history.

I'm thinking of getting a planner because I have so many deadlines to beat. Every week I have at least two things to submit or accomplish. But I scrapped that idea of getting myself a planner because (1) so far, I have never missed a deadline and (2) I don't want my life planned. I mean, I have plans - go to med school, travel around the world, have Siberian huskies. It's just that I feel my whole life has been planned since I was little and all I get to decide are minor ones like which courses to take this semester, what to wear today, who to be friends with. With a planner, I'll feel even more pressured. I just need a little spontaneity, that's all.

You know what, it's funny I still have time to think about other things with all those deadlines in my head. I still get the chance to stop and spare a thought for you. Maybe I'll just study more and get better than average grades. Or maybe jog around the campus to lose all the weight I accumulated from stress-eating/drinking. Maybe write a story or learn a new song in the piano. I don't know. Anything to fill those gaps in my clock. Because lately I have been longing to find someone to talk/rant to after each stressful day. Oh wait. There's Frank.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Sem-Starter Post

I should be telling you how exciting (and equally tiring) my summer was - chasing dragonflies and damselflies, climbing mountains, and swimming in the beach, but let me tell you tell you how I feel right now first.

School starts tomorrow and like most students, I'm not yet ready. Not even a little. My class starts at 7:30 AM and I'm still here at home, which means I have to travel around two hours to be at school before class. You see, I haven't found an apartment yet. I'm not even enrolled yet! I guess the best thing that happened to me this week was getting my thesis proposal approved. And maybe slowly starting to get a grip on my chairperson responsibilities whatever. Don't get me wrong; I'm not complaining. This is the first time I proved to myself that high school is way different from college. That college is not just high school with more expensive books, like Serena van der Woodsen once said. And for the first time since that stupid summer, I felt like myself again, alive and strong. But still, those responsibilities are killing me. I never get some me-time! And then there's my thesis. Thank God, I'm halfway done with it. But my thesis adviser's really, really keen in dissecting your paper; he won't stop until you're sweating blood.

I'd like to start telling you about my summer and show you photos of my dragonfly and damselfly collection, but I need a place to stay in until Thursday night. I need to find a place I can settle in until even just the end of the semester. I'm sorry for the shameless ranting, but I bet no one reads this blog anyway. It's just that...I'm not spending the night drinking and celebrating the beginning of the semester like I always do. But things change. And so do people.

PS
See my About Me section over there? It says there GRADUATING, yay! But I don't really want to leave. Not just yet.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Farms and Valleys

My one week-long summer break is almost over. Though most of it I spent cooped inside the house playing various PC games, I must say that the little time I spent outside made my break a bit notable. That's due to a couple of reasons, one of which I'd rather keep to myself.

We visited the farm. It has been a long time since my last visit. I no longer visit as frequent as before because I was over catching and identifying insects. A lot of things have changed. There were no more sheep and piglets, only sows, chickens, catfish, and turkey chicks. 

We have three cute turkey chicks. This one wandered outside its house and got lost. It ended up with the chickens, looking like an ugly duckling. 


Unlike last summer, there were no lettuce, cauliflowers, and carrots to pick. But there were papayas and peppers.




And that's my sister showing off her dress.


She found these mushrooms growing out of a log, so we had a contest where the one who takes a better picture of the fungi wins.



We had our chickens for dinner. I guess you don't want to read (or see) how those free range chickens ended up on our plates so let me skip to the next day where we drove to the mountains.

We went to Bangkong Kahoy the next day. It's a valley, seated between Banahaw and San Cristobal. The weather was hot and sunny, but windy, which cools the given conditions. We had lunch and raspberry shake first before starting the tour. Did I mention how long the shakes were prepared because they still had to pick raspberries from their farm? 

There were lots of raspberries growing along the way. This one's still too sour to eat.




And then we rode along the zip-line. It wasn't that scary (in fact it's not scary at all) after you've crossed this...bridge. You have to cross the bridge so you can get to the other side and start the zip-line from there. Well this bridge, I refuse to call it hanging because it wasn't hung. It's more like...pinned to the ground. It's actually a wire mesh - some of its parts covered with wooden planks - narrow enough to accommodate your two feet. There were no handrails. You can either hold on to your harness or to the rope above your head where your harness is attached. It wasn't that bad if you don't mind crossing the bridge watching your feet and seeing a glimpse of the canopy of trees way below. You have to watch your feet because the bridge is narrow and you would certainly want to keep it balanced. Anyway, that's not the hard part. The bridge terminates by ascending to where the zip-line actually starts. Covering those last few meters up the slope was the hardest part, for most of us. My heart was beating really fast when I finally got to the other side. I feel like it wants to break free from my pericardial sac ribs. Too bad I can't show you how the bridge looked like. I hope I described it enough for you to imagine it, but this would help.

My sister wants us to go at the same time, so there.




It was a short ride, but it was scenic and breathtaking. Next time I'll try zip-lines where I can lie on my belly and face down.

My sister and my cousins went horseback riding after the zip-line experience until it was time for us to go home. I almost forgot to tell you that Bangkong Kahoy Valley offers trekking and bird watching! Too bad we don't have much time and most of us (my cousins which are children and my grandparents) can't go on a hike. Oh well, there's a huge possibility I'm taking field biology this summer, so hello mountain treks! I wish we can have a trip to the beach, even just once, and  maybe see fishes, starfishes, crabs, whatever. I'd really like to hit the beach right now.

Friday, March 30, 2012

For One Hell of a Sem

Tomorrow morning I'm finally going home to stay. My semester is officially over. Thank God. I finished packing two-thirds of my stuff yesterday. Tomorrow I'll pack the remaining third - dirty laundry and small stuff my handbag can carry. I bought a balikbayan box to stuff them in. Upon sorting my things, I found my bluebooks from way back my first semester in UP.


Those aren't all of them, I don't know where my other bluebooks had gone. The one on top is an exam in Philosophy 1. I kept it because it's the only exam where I got full points for my essay. And I enjoyed my Philo 1 with Sir Rubicon Soberano.


Under those bluebooks are my Math 17, 53, and 54 exams, Chem 16 exams, the only Chem 31 exam I passed, Geog 1 exam, Bio 12 and 180 exams, and...I can't remember the others.

I also found my first ever Form 5! I threw away all my other Form 5's since they had a different look since my second year. The new Form 5 just looked like a black print on white paper. I don't know where my Form 5 for the second semester of the academic year 2009-2010 had gone.


This is a "happy birthday greeting" my boyfriend made for me four years ago. There were three greetings, if I remember correctly, but I managed to save only one. He posted this one on the facade of the old building of our high school.


And this is my balikbayan box. It's going to stay at my friend's house for the whole summer. Around this time next year, I'd probably have two of those boxes, but they're not going to stay at my friend's house anymore. They would be taken home and then maybe would be taken to my new home, wherever my med school is. But who knows? Maybe I could get a master's degree instead and stay here in Diliman. OHGODILOVEDILIMANTOPIECES


Anyway, I'm so excited to go home, away from all the stress and pressure. Did I mention I passed that one subject which almost killed me? Ang sarap pumasa sa subject na buong sem mong iginapang. Now I'm just waiting for a Friday night out.